why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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