peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
