I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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