Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
