yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
