3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
