I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
