Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
