What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
