I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
