One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
