I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
