And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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