I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
