Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
