He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
