just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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