If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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