so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
