im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
