You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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