Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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