its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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