just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
