Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
