he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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