My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
