You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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