stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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