Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
