I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
