Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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