bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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