I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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