She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Randomize
