apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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