i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
