And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
