if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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