I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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