were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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