She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
