Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
