I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
