our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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