Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
