I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
