o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
