In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
