Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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