i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
