is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
